egberts:

*goes to bed at 11pm and doesnt fall asleep til 4am*

mcdolands:

Me: “dad am i adopted?”
Dad:no, ur David. why woud anyone name you ‘Adopted’? even if we wanted to, ur name was alredy David when we adopted you

unflaws:

I slept almost all day but almost is never enough

zaynsitonmyface:

Is Zayn even gonna show up at his own wedding

punacceptable:

sext: that looks infected

supersmashthestatebros:

no Santa, they’re not gifts, they’re jifts.

nosdrinker:

me at ikea: where’s the monkey

90% of horse movies
girl: *finds horse who is impaired in some way*
girl: dad can I keep it
dad: no there's no hope for it let's go
girl: dad u idiot u don't get me
girl: *visits horse in middle of the night*
*cuts to girl riding the horse in an open field bc she is free and her dad can't control her*
dad: how dare u
girl: just let me prove to u this horse is special
girl: *enters race*
girl: *wins*
dad: u make me so proud
horse: *whinnies*
me 2 my child: you were named after the two bravest men i ever knew.... Max Nev